Might be an Unpopular rant to talk about, but I want to make a dedicated post about Azami. I feel so bad but also understand what she went through and how she mentally feels.
Threw out Kiku’s route you get bits in understanding her View point, which at first I though she might be a Tsundere. But she just Stubborn in a cute-bratty way.
But after what Azami exposed in both in the Happy and Bad ending of Kiku’s route, I completely understand her since I know what she feels.
She has Abandonment issues and I felt the same way back when I was in High school. All of my now Distant Friends never reach out to me when I enrolled to a different High School, even my Ex-Friend who I though was my last resort when I was struggling to make new Friends in High School that I end up transferring out of even abandon me by saying she didn’t want to be my friend anymore and never even told me the reason why she didn’t want to be my friend and I never gave her even a Good or Poor reason to make her feel she needed to end my friendship.
(Though I found out later why it was best for why I needed to end things with her if she never ended our friendship.)
Which ever since that day I hold so much resentment towards her, because I felt like such an Dumb-“butt” for feeling she was a friend I can lean my head on for everything. But I also felt like she was a Dumb-“butt” for ending my friendship and gotten Karma for it when the Friend she ditch me with insulted her saying
“You have Grandma’s lip!” 😀
As that same friend Friend that My Ex-friend ditch me with at Summer camp goes belly laughing after what she bluntly and unapologetically said to her. My Ex-friend gave her Dead-pan expression while she continues to life.
(I’m so darn happy not to be associated with those two, image having ether of them as friends let alone Best Friends.)
I would never be that bold to insult my Ex-Friend’s or any person’s physical appearance to their face, I personally feel that’s just out of line.
But hey you’re going to have those people who are going to be very frank about everything. I grew up having a lot Classmates who are Frank/Very Direct minded Individuals threw out my entire School years, heck even the 2D design Teacher that I had back in College I enrolled in for my Illustration major was Harsh and Very direct person.
(I’ll say this if you ever planned on going to Art School for what ever major your in. But your need to train your skin to be tuff like bricks, because your Professors and even your Classmates are not gonna hold back in critiquing your work. Even if is on the judgmental side you need to keep taking those nasty shots like a champ or else your not gonna survived Art School. Is a Tuff-love environment despite a lot of the people you meet in Art School are the coolest people you will meet in your life. But their not gonna hold back in seeing what you need to improve and what is lacking in your work.)
Is surprising that my Ex-friend didn’t end up like Kylie and got her lips plumps for the same reason why Kylie created the Lip kit. Sure the Boy didn’t tell Kylie she had Grandma’s lip but is still the same hurt Kylie felt about her lips.
I know if anyone said anything humiliating about my Physical appearance I would ether work on myself. I wasn’t the victim, but what that Chick bluntly said to my Ex-Friend gave me anxiety about having “Grandma Lip”.
Even looking in my Lips like I’m looking in a Microscope seeing if their any indicators.
A random Man years ago look at me with a blunt remark saying “Congratulation” and carry along since he assuming I was Pregnant and that alone got me to want to hit the gym and start doing exercise targeting my stomach era.
(Having a Bloated belly suck, especially if you have a Bloated belly that looks like your Pregnant. The perks of being an Hermit is you don’t have to look presentable in your own home. People won’t make comments about how bad you look or your insecurity won’t hit the roof of how much you look like a reck compare to this person.)
But in the end and thinking back on our friendship not only she was a lousy friend but she was a backstabber, a User, and a Flake. And if you know me on a personal level you would agree with me that I didn’t deserve having her as a Friend. I didn't deserve having a “friend” that would put me feeling at a state of shell-shock, confuse, hurt, and disbelief that she wanted nothing to do with me anymore of our 5 year friendship.
But as the years go on I felt her not wanting me to be her friend anymore was a huge blessing in disguise. Which I’m happy she ended my Friendship because she was a Toxic and Jaded person to not just me, but to a lot of other people we knew back in School.
(And is funny how in recent years she try to butter me up wishing me a Happy Birthday out of the blue which she miss decade worth of them. Thank you for the Birthday wish but when you said your done with me theirs no way I’m re-building the Bridge that you volunteer to want to burn down. Beside i’m overly fatigue having Lousy Friends, I’m tired having one eye open and one eye close with people wondering if I have your trust or your here trying to set me up for failure. I’m “ducking” tired of feeling abandon and left hanging when I thought I have someone to help me. )
This might sadden you reader, but Ex-friend wasn’t the only and last person to make me expectancies feeling abandon and losing trust in them. Over the years I personally choose to be a Loner because of not wanting to be Abandon again, not wanting to feel the person I’m with I need to have one eye open. The person who is still loyal to me to this very day aside from my Family is my Childhood friend from 2nd grade, My College friends and my Followers on my SM platforms.
Those people are as of writing this are much better friends then the ones I made threw out my School years. Yes, I never met my Followers and I’m not press about meeting them due to anxiety. But their great people who have similar interests like me, show off their collections and hauls, openly share their Hot takes and Unpopular opinions, post about upcoming things their looking forward too, even sharing their Japan Trips that I deeply hope to see myself being in their place someday and picturing myself trying the Food that been eaten by our favorite LIs in Otome.
Currently I’m starting my healing journey from the Abandonment I dealt with too many times that it feel like climbing a mountain. But I do feel like I’m reaching for the top.
To share all of that I understand what Azami felt when she shared how Kiku abandon her when he could have carry her as they fled from their situation. And when it comes to dealing with Abandonment issues comes hand in hand with losing trust in that person. Which I’m happy Kiku win Azami’s trust back, Azami needed to know that Kiku still treasure her even after what happen.
Thank you for reading my thoughts on this and I hope the read was enjoyable. 🙇♀️ 🩷
No comments:
Post a Comment